California rest in peace

( So, this is the result of a rather long, complicated story involving the weighing of various factors: I'm not going to Berkeley. I'm going to Barrett Honors College at Arizona State University, which means I'll be going to school thirty-or-so minutes from home. )

zychi's birthday was yesterday. It was much fun. I fell asleep over there and came home this morning.

I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, no matter how aware I am of them, no matter how many times I've said I'd stop. But it's the selfish desire to vent and see somebody else be effected. I feel awful. But there's a sick side of me that's glad to have all of this selfish crap off my chest. And writing it out in a journal just doesn't do it for me. I have to tell somebody. Specifically somebody, specifically the person about whom I am venting. And those of you who have had not-so-pleasant interpersonal encounters with me before know this.

I desperately want to apologize, but I've already done that twenty-or-so times, and I'll never feel it's enough.

I hope I don't get the stomach virus that Dad and Rachel have, though since Rachel got sick today and was exposed to Dad a day before I was, I may be next tomorrow. Fucktastic.

I have free time on my hands. I really should do something creative.