This post is about sex.

Hey, internet:

It would be awesome if you could produce some pr0n art that isn't of at least one character crying while being shoved into a blowjob or seemingly being tortured or raped by somebody with whom he or she has a friendship in canon, or splattered with like a quart of semen or some such unrealistic bullshit. If characters have a loving relationship, I'd like to see more happy, loving intimacy (i.e. voodoobob did this with Phoenix/Edgeworth, who fit the loving dynamic, and I applaud her), because random raep doesn't do anything for me and will more than likely just make me crack up laughing. Same goes for ball-gags and nipple clamps. Come on. And, yes, I know people often make odd faces during sex that look like the edge of pain or pleasure, but there are subtle indicators that can set you off, body position, muscle tension, that sort of thing, and make you feel like this isn't pleasurable abandon or the merging of two souls but, well, rape. Some artists can convey the sense that the two characters have a psychic connection, and it's such a subtle but powerful addition I can't articulate. It's everything.

If the pairing is intended to be purely lust-driven or twisted or a power-trip sexual thing (I'm looking at you, Kamui and OtherKamui!Fuuma); that's different, but freaking, I don't know, Sora and Riku should not scream of angry, begging-you-to-stop-and-he's-serious-it-hurts raep. You get the idea. And I'm thinking of multiple other examples that show up on /y/ discouragingly often.

Oh, and why isn't there any hetero stuff that isn't saturated in testosterone to the point of hilarity? I mean the double-G-sized breasts, baby-bottle nipples, girls constantly having veiny monstrosities of dicks the size of a forearm shoved into every orifice while they gasp like they really like being abused bullshit. A lot of these women would never get pleasure out of such degrading situations; it isn't who they are. If you have some fantasy about Major Kusanagi or Oosaki Nana finding out she likes being treated like a blow-up doll, good for you, but those of us who love the alchemy of character relationships find that abrasive. That isn't the character's soul being barred during good, rough sex or something; that's a fetish robot in the character's skin. There is a difference. It's difficult to describe what exactly that would be, as I'm not an art major, but I hold to the definition of pornography in the United States: you know it when you see it. There are people out there, male as well as female, who don't get anything out of the cartoonish tentacle-rape boobs-flying stuff. I swear on the average yaoi fanart is more realistic and sensual, and that's a major reason why many women gravitate to it. If het were drawn the same way, I bet more women would enjoy it more.

In short, most women (and a lot of men) get nothing out of your fantasy of pounding some bimbo with your two-foot dick, coming on her face, and expecting her to act like nothing like a whore and do nothing but stare at you and take it with a dazed, blushing face. We'll just laugh at you. It's not arousing.

A lot of this applies to yuri too, by the way. I'm kind of sick of seeing poor Utena and Anthy with breasts twice the size of their heads having what seems like really painful sex while somehow plastered with what I can only guess is vaginal fluid. I don’t even think that’s physically-possible, unless they’re both human lube machines.

I'm not saying this should stop--I abhor censorship, and different strokes for different folks--but there's discouragingly little of much else, especially in any situation involving female characters. As a woman, I find that annoying, and I'm sure other women do as well. And I'm sure many of our brothers find it annoying, much the way I find mindless uke-abuse annoying. It's so plastic and hilariously idiotic.

In unrelated news, I ran that goddamn PCR product five times (I kid you not), and the gel still comes out looking like all unholy hell. I rage at this. I know I'm going to have to redo it, maybe even starting with fresh cells (oi), but damn. I bet I've used my cat's weight in agarose.

I have a lot of homework. I wonder why I'm on here raeging against the hentai machine.