Those questions without an answer

I was in the ASU bookstore picking up my JPN 314 textbook when a young man, mid-twenties, who was standing next to me asked if I was studying Japanese. I said yes; he revealed that he was one of the company-exchange guys here to learn English. We talked for a while in interchangeable-but-functional Japanese and English, his friends showed up (having shopped at Abercrombie and Puma in the Fashion Square, lulz), and we all went to eat at My Big Fat Greek Restaurant. By this time they all know I know far too much Japanese slang for my own good, let it be noted. The waiter was really awesome and let them try a small bit of gyro when they had no idea what it was, and I was running out of ways to describe it.

The Cardinals game was on (we won? what the fuck?), of course, and I made a comment that it's surprising that they are actually going to the Superbowl, because they suck, and the guy sitting next to me asked, "Suck?"

Me: Yeah, suck. Lose all the time. Like--(I purse my lips and suck in air)
Guy: Yes, ah, like uh--(he starts doing that curled-hand motion; you know what I'm talking about)--'suck my dick', yeah?
Me: ...yeah. Like that.
Guy: My friend... taught me how to say that.
Me: It's a useful phrase.
Guy: Is it rude to say, "Suck my dick"?
Me: I, uh... wouldn't use it in polite conversation.
Guy: Oh.
Me: That's the sort of thing that would get you punched in a bar.
Guy: But what if, say, to somebody you love, would you say, 'suck my dick'?
Me: ...uh...huh. Yeah, that sounds really rude, still. You'd probably still get punched.
Guy: But if you are, ah, with somebody you love--
Me: No; I know exactly what you are talking about. It still sounds rude. Like, ah, a command. Like you're telling her to do it. It just sounds really rude.
Guy: Oh. So ah, what would you say?
Me: ...uh...

And I honestly had no idea.

Me: I guess... 'please suck my dick' would sound a lot more polite, but it still sounds abrasive. Rude.
Guy: Oh, so you say, 'please suck my dick'.
Me: It sounds a lot better, yeah.
Guy: Or, 'I would appreciate it if you suck my dick."
Me: Uh. Sure.

I'm now afraid I will be responsible for this totally earnest, sweet guy getting punched in the jaw by some American chick he picks up and tries that line on. But hell, I'm a native English speaker and I have no idea how you'd phrase that directly and politely. In retrospect I should have told him to say "Please go down on me", but I was too busy trying not to burst out laughing to think straight.

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I've been re-watching Haibane Renmei since I found the out-of-print box set at Anime LA. It's such a lush, beautiful, imaginative series; I have to wonder how it's remained so obscure, especially when compared to some of the stuff that gets popular.

I don't want to move my stuff again.