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Why am I posting about this; this is dumb
Feb. 10th, 2011 04:25 pmThomas Kinkade sucks.
Okay, let's back up. I already knew that his paintings suck, according to my own definition of "suck", which is stuff *I* think sucks. It's subjected to the "I know it when I see it" criteria. I've never met the man. Maybe he's a perfectly nice, kind person. To each his own, and if 'your own' falls inside the lines of bland, saccharine landscapes, power to you. It *does* sound like he suffers from some seriously unwarranted self-importance, but, then again, you could say the same thing about me assuming that anybody on the intertubes gives a damn about anything I have to say about anything, ever.
If my opinion shocks any of you, you are either dense as hell, brand new, or you really do think I have that whole hipster irony thing down. He's the guy that has chain stores in suburban malls in middle America that sell his over 9000 paintings of cottages and American flags. Which isn't to say that cottages and American flags aren't well and good, but... well. I'm not a painter. I guess his paintings are technically very well done. Technically. I wouldn't know. To my layperson's eye, the, uh, perspective looks good. And he seems to color in the lines. I guess that's worth something.
The stereotypical Kinkade consumer, according to the comments section of this piece, seems to be "Mom". Like, catch-all Mom with a capital M, that Mom in the American consciousness with a lace apron, a staunch belief in Jesus, apple pies, fires, all that bullshit, softspoken and delicate and likes pastel floral, Hallmark and Lifetime original movies (oh, that movie about him aired on Lifetime, natch). Several commenters posted to say that they were mothers (i.e. female parent-units), and that they thought Kinkade sucks, so kindly shove it up your ass. Good for them. Somebody needed to say it, and I don't want to sign in.
Maybe I missed something crucial, but why did this guy get movie made about him, again?
There is this trope that becoming a mother makes you softer, makes you find weepy beauty in things like crappy reproductions of cottage paintings and porcelain, rosy-cheeked angel-babies with blue eyes. And being a parent does change you; I know that for a fact. I think it can soften your heart, in a way, make you realize the value of life in a way you hadn't before. It makes you vulnerable, because losing a kid is hell. That aside, there seems to be this expectation that once sperm A meets egg B in your fallopian tubes, something happens that makes you appreciate all this maudlin bullshit, and make you want to integrate it into your life. Some great Motherly, Domestic transformation occurs.
I'd say 90% of the mothers I know (including my mother) would say that's bullshit, and to get it ("it" being all aforementioned Kinkade/angel/pastel/blah) away from them. Then again, that's the selection bias of the company I keep.
Maybe.
I hope so.
If I were to become that bland and domestic if and when I get knocked up (in like ten years, maybe), the only humane solution would be shotgun mouthwash.
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TL;DR The audience for Kinkade is not, by definition, "Mothers". "Mothers" are an incredibly diverse group. They are merely female parents, either because they spawned or adopted somebody else's spawn, with all the diversity that implies. Groups are not homogeneous. Shove it up your ass, commenters.
Okay, so maybe it's the commenters I have beef with. But I still think Thomas Kinkade's paintings suck.
Okay, let's back up. I already knew that his paintings suck, according to my own definition of "suck", which is stuff *I* think sucks. It's subjected to the "I know it when I see it" criteria. I've never met the man. Maybe he's a perfectly nice, kind person. To each his own, and if 'your own' falls inside the lines of bland, saccharine landscapes, power to you. It *does* sound like he suffers from some seriously unwarranted self-importance, but, then again, you could say the same thing about me assuming that anybody on the intertubes gives a damn about anything I have to say about anything, ever.
If my opinion shocks any of you, you are either dense as hell, brand new, or you really do think I have that whole hipster irony thing down. He's the guy that has chain stores in suburban malls in middle America that sell his over 9000 paintings of cottages and American flags. Which isn't to say that cottages and American flags aren't well and good, but... well. I'm not a painter. I guess his paintings are technically very well done. Technically. I wouldn't know. To my layperson's eye, the, uh, perspective looks good. And he seems to color in the lines. I guess that's worth something.
The stereotypical Kinkade consumer, according to the comments section of this piece, seems to be "Mom". Like, catch-all Mom with a capital M, that Mom in the American consciousness with a lace apron, a staunch belief in Jesus, apple pies, fires, all that bullshit, softspoken and delicate and likes pastel floral, Hallmark and Lifetime original movies (oh, that movie about him aired on Lifetime, natch). Several commenters posted to say that they were mothers (i.e. female parent-units), and that they thought Kinkade sucks, so kindly shove it up your ass. Good for them. Somebody needed to say it, and I don't want to sign in.
Maybe I missed something crucial, but why did this guy get movie made about him, again?
There is this trope that becoming a mother makes you softer, makes you find weepy beauty in things like crappy reproductions of cottage paintings and porcelain, rosy-cheeked angel-babies with blue eyes. And being a parent does change you; I know that for a fact. I think it can soften your heart, in a way, make you realize the value of life in a way you hadn't before. It makes you vulnerable, because losing a kid is hell. That aside, there seems to be this expectation that once sperm A meets egg B in your fallopian tubes, something happens that makes you appreciate all this maudlin bullshit, and make you want to integrate it into your life. Some great Motherly, Domestic transformation occurs.
I'd say 90% of the mothers I know (including my mother) would say that's bullshit, and to get it ("it" being all aforementioned Kinkade/angel/pastel/blah) away from them. Then again, that's the selection bias of the company I keep.
Maybe.
I hope so.
If I were to become that bland and domestic if and when I get knocked up (in like ten years, maybe), the only humane solution would be shotgun mouthwash.
-------------------------
TL;DR The audience for Kinkade is not, by definition, "Mothers". "Mothers" are an incredibly diverse group. They are merely female parents, either because they spawned or adopted somebody else's spawn, with all the diversity that implies. Groups are not homogeneous. Shove it up your ass, commenters.
Okay, so maybe it's the commenters I have beef with. But I still think Thomas Kinkade's paintings suck.
