trenchkamen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trenchkamen) wrote2005-09-23 09:38 pm
trenchkamen) wrote2005-09-23 09:38 pm
And she said, "Nothing's changed in this sleepy little town."
Sometimes it takes a point of comparison for one to really realize who she is right now, and where that person came from. And from that point of comparison, I realize how much I have changed.
Canyon High football game. Like any other Panhandle game, friendly people, lots of kids running around; rather unlike football games anywhere else I have been. It's the Friday night entertainment; the entire town shows up. Everybody's friendly just because you're there, even if they don't remember you. I think football games bring out the best in West Texans, in a sense.
On my way into the stadium I was passed by some kids, one of whom said "Dude, we've got the Matrix here." I gave them the horns and the older kid who was with them started laughing and said "Hell yeah!" Another little girl walked up to me while I was watching the marching band warm up and said, "I like your coat. It's long." I think she was surprised when I grinned and nodded at her, since I probably had that serious-detached look I get when I'm contemplating.
Before the warm up, one of the clarinet players looked at me for a moment and asked me if I wanted to talk to the girl I had specifically gone to the game to see. People remember in a town the size of Canyon. She was beckoned, and she and I stared at each other for a moment before she smiled half-nervously and walked over to me. And talk we did.
It didn't take me long to realize that this naive, noble, innocent small-town girl has not changed at all after five years, and that I am almost one-hundred-eighty degrees from what I was when she last saw me. I found myself watching my language and unable to use coarser vernacular. The more I loosened up and spoke freely, the more both of us loosened up and kept topics of conversation to things like college and anime, and the less personal aspects of old times. Band and anime. Touching on those few other friends that had come and gone.
And, after that cool, formal, pleasant conversation, I gave her a hug to which she responded awkwardly, and she left with the marching band. And that was the end of that. Lots of smiles. Lots of laughter. Time had worn a gulf. There was no resent. No intimacy of conversation. Nothing. Far too much had happened to each of us to cover during a football game, things of far too much personal value to share. I know she had her heart broken by one of my old friends since I left. I think that's worn a lot of the resent away from me. That and time.
During the game, Whitney was texting me all the way from Arizona, and afterward I meditated on this: You can never go home. No matter how close it feels and how much time seems to evaporate, listening to that band and seeing those people, being in that stadium and driving on those dark highways, you can never go home.
Rachel and I stopped at Braum's after the football game for some of the best fast food in the nation--sadly unavailable in the Phoenix area. It felt like we had never left. Almost. My manner of speaking and carrying myself, I realized, made me stick out, and I was getting quite a few stares since I was wearing the trenchcoat and tie. In Phoenix, nobody looks twice when I dress like that. I've gotten used to the Phoenix reaction; I remember the Canyon reaction now.
Whitney and I had this conversation while I was in Braum's:
Lauren: It's like we never left.
Whitney: How crazy. But! You did, which yer AZ buddies are very grateful for. =3 *cling*
And I was in a great mood the rest of the evening.
People change, people grow apart, and time creates a distance, but things are all right for the moment you're in. And today, more profoundly than I can remember in a long time, I found myself proud of who I have become. I'm nothing like what the people here knew me as, and I'm proud of that. And, this time around, I don't want this detachment to come between me and my friends. It's something to think about with college approaching.
On another note, OMG I SAW CORPSE BRIDE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. It exceeded my expectations. It's an adorable story; everybody needs to go see it. I love Victor and Emily.
Tomorrow morning is the Race.
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Seriously though. My heart smiles.
Wasn't Corpse Bride sweet? It didn't really exceed my expectations, but it certainly made me happy. All sorts of happy. Relived that blurry memory of me sitting in my aunt's bedroom at age six watching The Nightmare Before Christmas with my siblings for the very first time.
Yeah. I don't know why this post pleases me so much.
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My expectations were purposefully lower than usual for Tim Burton, since I did not want to be disappointed. The story had more development than I was expecting.
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Yeah, that was a good idea, I was kind of hoping it would blow my away, to the side, and swallow, but .. eh. Still amazingly amazing, though. ~<3~<3 Victor and Emily is teh love.
...I still liked Victoria a lot, though, I thought she was kyoot...
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I just kind of sat there thinking "Whoashiz that ended almost exactly like Phantom of the Opera."
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