trenchkamen | Location meme

Stolen from

air_and_angels.

1. Go to Google (or Yahoo) and type, "You know you're from (your state) when..."
2. Cut and paste the list.
3. Bold the items that apply to you.

Basically all of these quips translate to "Arizona's hot", and there were far less immigration/Sheriff Arpaio/Mormon quips than I expected. But here we go.

You think Taco Bell is the local phone company.

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching. (I'm used to this by now, but I flinch because I still don't like it.)

You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour...and it will be over 100 degrees. (This does not ring true. When it is snowing up in Flagstaff, it is usually not that hot down in Phoenix.)

You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.

The best parking is determined by shade.....not distance.

You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace. (No. This is wasteful and stupid. Most people just have a fire pit outside in the winter when it's coolish to get their need for a winter fire.)

You realize that "Valley Fever" isn't a disco dance.

You can make sun tea instantly. (I've never tried.)

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one. (some places)

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people. That's because it's hotter than balls.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door. Frequently

Sunscreen is sold year round and kept right at the checkout counter. (I thought this was everywhere, but looking at where I have lived, my perspective is a little off.)

You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box. (I hate sunscreen. I wear it, but I avoid it.)

Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse.....some fools actually try to jog. (I am not sure whether or not this applies to me. I think jogging in the summer is a hellish exercise, so I work out indoors, but I do not actually try to jog.)

You can pronounce Saguaro, Tempe, San Xavier, Canyon de Chelly, Mogollon Rim, and Cholla. (I graduated from Saguaro High School and went to university in Tempe, so.)

You can understand the reason for a town named "Why"

You can fry an egg on the hood of a car in the morning. (But I've never tried. My car is usually dusty.)

You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon. (This is true in the summer. There are a lot of hot air balloons in the winter.)

No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car. (*I* would never dream of this; I cannot speak for the entirety of the populace.)

You see two trees fighting over a dog. (Durhur)

You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny. (Ur.)

You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River (Can't say. I do not live close to the Salt River, and I don't see irrigation water much either.)

You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves (I would, if I wanted to get waves here in Phoenix, but I don't bother. It's no substitute for the ocean.)

You hear people say "but it's a dry heat!" (Constantly)

You buy salsa by the gallon. (I like salsa, but that's overkill.)

Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags. (I like the candles, but I don't do them myself.)

You think a red light is merely a suggestion. (Most people do, but I do not run red lights.)

All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April. (I am sure they would if they could, but some have had to make sojourns in the summer for various reasons.)

You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever. (Okay I'd LOL)

Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los." (I am not sure what a statistical "most" is, but this rings true.)

You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard. (I happen to like this aesthetic. It's sensible and green in an area where water is at a premium.)

Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof. (It's actually not)

Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer. (De facto; they're either usually going fast to capitalize on the moving air, or slowly because the car is on its last legs. The air conditioner is one of those things you fix FIRST in a car here.)

Most homes have more firearms than people. (Mine does by a factor of about 4. Thanks, Dad.)

Kids ask, "What's a mosquito?" (I get it. We don't have mosquitoes here. But most people here are from somewhere else, and have family somewhere else, so the kids usually have traveled enough to have experienced mosquito bites.)

People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.

You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.

If you haven't worked for Motorola at some time, you must be a newcomer. (I've been here nine years, and have never worked for Motorola.)

You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds. (If you mean soda, no. I consume a lot of water, but not sugary drinks.)

You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink. (Yeah, but this applies to a lot of hot areas.)

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Arizona. (If LJ counts as passing it on.)

You take rain dances seriously. (I love rain, but...)

You've signed so many petitions to recall governors you can't remember the name of the incumbent. (I don't even bother anymore.)

When a rainy day puts you in a good mood. (This, many times over. But I feel this way no matter where I live.)

When you drive two miles around a parking lot looking for a shady place - even in the dead of winter. (Honestly, I usually don't bother. Shaded parking is sparse.)

You feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. (Hur hur)

You "hug" a cactus only once in your lifetime. (Zero times. I'm stupid, but I have limits.)

When you have to look up "mass transit" in the dictionary. (I get it. Mass transit here sucks ass and is mostly useless. But I am well aware of its existence.)

A hundred ten in the shade is sorta hot, but you don't have to shovel it off your driveway. (This is technically true, but I do not use it as a comeback.)

You wear a bola tie. (I wear a lot of neck ties.)

You take a stroll on Ho Hum Way. (I'm not sure what this is, actually.)

The beer is chilled and filled with chili. (....wha?)

A haboob happens. (I don't know.)

Petrified doesn't mean scared. (There's a social commentary here on religion and fear, I am sure.)

Standin' on the corner sounds good. (No. No, it does not. This isn't King of the Hill)

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly. (No. I feel elated.)

You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. (Unfortunately, in some outdoor/impromptu facilities.)

You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face. (When I'm outside.)

You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top. (I can't even go to work like this; it's not OSHA compliant.)

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

Every other vehicle is a 4x4. (Motherfucking....)

People break out coats when temperature drops below 70 degrees. I would not say coats. Jackets, maybe.

The pool can be warmer than you are.

Daylight Savings Time has no meaning for you. (I frequently interface with people out-of-state, and I've lived elsewhere, so it does.)

The only lakes in your area are man-made. (I'm counting the Phoenix metro area as "my area".)

You have a 'tent city' ran by the sheriff for local criminals. (This is just a statement of fact, not really a witty quip. I think we are the only county with Tent City.)

Everyone in your neighborhood has a cactus in their yard. (Very true.)

You know at least one neighbor who has reported a rattlesnake in his or her yard at least once (I don't talk to the neighbors, but my own family has had rattlesnakes in the yard.)